He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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