At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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