Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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