i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
