Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize