I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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