$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
