nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
as a side note pls kill me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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