Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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