Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
