90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize