She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
