I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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