God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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