Christians are straight up FREAKS
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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