There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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