you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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