When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
