That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
