i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
