You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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