I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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