so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
