If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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