Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
