There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
