Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
