I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
