I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
