Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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