Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
