Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
