her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
