Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
