11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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