where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
