i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
