I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize