In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
