I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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