I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
