That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
