A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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