I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
