My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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