Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
