Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize