saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if i died would you start the facebook group?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
