If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
