I should be sponsored by Trojan
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
