the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
