a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
