Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
