I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
