I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
