he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
