I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
