I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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