Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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