Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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