If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
