found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
