This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
