He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My cat gives me a boner
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Randomize
