but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize