My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
