Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
