I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
