do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
