Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize