i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
being pregnant is like rehab
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
