He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
then he tried to convert me to islam
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
