M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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