So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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