I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize