So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
