How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
