After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize