it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
