I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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