after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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