i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
