Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
